I Heart Dave Barry

I made a huge mistake the other day. (Yes, even I, in all my perfection, am capable of making one of these.).I was surfing around, minding my own business when, all of a sudden, I came upon it. A HUMOR SITE! And let me tell you, it was like when people say they become addicted to cocaine after just one snort?! I couldn't leave the site.

I've been hanging out there ever since, reading everything in site, even the copyright notice and the source code.I can't help myself. After that first article that caused me to spray coffee through my nostrils and all over the screen, I was addicted.

Now every morning I have to go there and get a fix before I can start my day. My work is suffering. I have thirty two million emails to answer, my websites are falling down in disrepair, and my CEO has already threatened to take away my shares in the company and give them to his dog if I don't get back to work on our marketing campaign. I tell ya folks, this is bad!.

Whoever said laughter is the best medicine never met Dave Barry. Thanks to him and his side-splitting, slobber-all-over-yourself, laugh-till-you-pee-your-pants, style of humor, I now have a hernia. Plus, he tears my face all to pieces!.While reading through the archive of his columns for The Miami Herald, I laughed until the tears began to stream out so badly I couldn't see.

So I accidentally wiped my eyes with piece of toast that was lying on my desk. I got crumbs in my eye and now I can only see half of my computer screen. (the toast had been there for awhile and I think I may have gotten some mold in there as well). As if that wasn't injury enough, I fell off my chair and sprained my wrist and had to go to the emergency room.

I live in a small town and our hospital is not so big. Neither is the parking lot. Everyone in town visits the hospital on the same day of the week.and this happened to be the day.

I drove around the parking lot for forty-five minutes praying that someone would leave so I could park my car.I was beginning to feel like the Mobro-- Islip's Garbage Barge-- when I spotted a MINI Cooper backing out of a space. Hey, it wasn't my fault that my SUV is triple the size of the MINI Cooper.

I thought it would fit. It looked like it would just slide right in. It did, but it made a terrible scraping sound on both sides that set my teeth on edge. (note to myself: call the auto insurance company and see if I paid my premium.).

They rushed me right in to see the doctor, after seventeen hours and twelve minutes in the ER waiting room. He took an xray of my arm and told me to make an appointment to see my family doctor on Monday. Then, he gave me a funny look and said "You really need to do something about that eye too. It looks like it might have molded toast in it.

".Before I take to my sick bed, I just had to take time to warn all of you about the danger out there.Now, listen very carefully. I am typing this real slow in case some of you can't read fast: Stay away from www.davebarry.com ! You may not see the danger and some of you may just want to try it "just once" but I'm telling you.

don't take that chance. Otherwise, you could end up a one-eyed laughing jackass with her arm in a sling.Trust me.

Just say NO!.

.Leeuna Foster is a Marketing Strategist, Author and Poet. She has been writing for two decades and her short fiction and poetry have won several national and regional awards.

If you like Southern humor you can visit her website at: http://www.thebarefootchild.com.

By: Leeuna Foster

Humor

Ebony and Greenery - Bell had followed him home.

Restaurant Manager Gives Out Sexual Favors As Performance Bonus Raise - While many restaurant workers worry and sweat in anticipation of an imminent job-related performance review, employees at Applebee's in Westland have adopted an entirely different attitude toward the employment evaluation process.

No More Oreos Tell Me it isnt True - Another good citizen comes to the aid of the uninformed public.

How To Have An Argument With Yourself And Win - Throughout the years, I'm happy to report, I have learned a thing or two about myself.

Im Not A Christian But I Play One On Sunday - After more than three decades of church ministry, I have come to one unsettling conclusion.

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