Understanding Saddam Hussein

Hard-nosed, veteran investigative journalist that I am, I just had to dig into Saddam Hussein's past in an attempt to explain the possible causes of his behavior. Here is what I uncovered. When he was a baby, Saddam's fundamentalist au pere only believed in changing his diaper once every two weeks.

As a child, he was confined to his room and exposed constantly to second-hand fig potpourri. His pediatrician once treated a childhood infection by injecting honey into his sinuses and shoving locusts up his nose. In second grade, everybody laughed when he lost the spelling bee at Mosul Elementary by spelling the word "Kurd" with a Q.

When he misbehaved as a child, his father made him sleep naked on a water buffalo. On a dare, he spent the summer of 1962 smoking Preparation-H. He once witnessed his best cow being humped by a camel. He was once rejected by a semi-voluptuous vixon named Baghdad Bernice who smelled like an embalmed goat. His first wife always liked his sister best.

He suffers from boomasomnia. He just can't sleep without the sound of roadside bombs. Every morning, all his life, he's been getting up on the wrong side of his nails.

Though my findings may help explain Saddam Hussein's behavior, please don't tell anyone about it. I don't want to have to testify. .

By: Joe Hickman, HaLife.com