You Know Youre Watching Too Much TV When

?you wear an ESPN tee shirt to work or carry an extra copy of the TV Guide in your glove compartment. But first, a word from our sponsor.Don't get me wrong.

I have nothing against television. After all, I'm a baby boomer that grew up with "Leave It To Beaver" and "Gunsmoke." As a marketing person, I recognize the importance of commercialism and how the media has shaped our entire culture. But, as I age and mature, I'm a bit worried about future generations that glean much of their knowledge from "MTV" or "VH1.

".I cringe when Jay Leno does his Jaywalking segment and asks average people general information questions. It illustrates how little they read newspapers or books anymore. So, as a public service to those that will follow me, I've attempted to give examples of behavior that might exhibit warning signs to monitor.

In honor of Late Night television, I've set it up like Dave's top ten list.You Know You're Watching Too Much TV When?.(10) You try to use the remote on your spouse when they're yelling too loud.(9) You already have a television set in every room and are trying to figure a way to get one into every medicine cabinet.(8) The cable goes out, and you curl up into the fetal position, contemplating suicide.

(7) Someone mentions the FBI, and you wonder what network that is.(6) You spend most of the work day wondering if Monk will ever run out of wet wipes.(5) A hot chick calls you up for a date that evening and you tell her you have to check the TV programs first.(4) You watch the "Best of John Wayne" weekend marathon and forget to collect your Noble Peace Prize.(3) You know the theme song to every soap opera by the first three notes.

(2) You've in a 12 step program because of QVC.(1) AND, the number one reason you know it's time to stop watching so much television: You name your first born, Beavis!.Now get back to work and if I ever catch you channel surfing again?.

Jeffrey Hauser was a sales consultant for the Bell System Yellow Pages for nearly 25 years. He graduated from Pratt Institute with a BFA in Advertising and has a Master's Degree from Monmouth University. He had his own advertising agency in Scottsdale, Arizona and ran a consulting and design firm, ABC Advertising.

He has authored 6 books and a novel, "Pursuit of the Phoenix," available at amazon.com. His latest book is, "Inside the Yellow Pages.

" Currently, he is the Marketing Director for thenurseschoice.com, a Health Information and Doctor Referral site.

By: Jeffrey Hauser